ihatethemihatethemihatethemihatethem. That’s how prejudice emerges.

Every lunch, it’s the same effing scene. I wait in line. x people cut in front of me. I do nothing. I get what’s left over, a 5 minute lunch, or nothing at all. Either I whine to the teachers about it or I tell the idiots who cut in front of me that they should go to the back of the line. Occasionally, they’ll just move behind me, and that’s that. I guess it’s been bubbling up inside of me for a while. I used to think it was just a high school hierarchy thing. People in higher grade levels have the privilege to cut. LOL. After 4 years, I’m finally a senior, and WTF. That’s the furthest from the truth. Of course, people think I’m a freshman because I’m so short. I’m also your stereotypical “nerd” that is the perfect person to bully around. I realize they’re not personally attacking me when they cut, but they are screwing me over in the process just because they’re stupid and they think they can gang up on me. I tell one person off and some idiot friend defends him for cutting. WTF. Why doesn’t anyone else stand up? How can someone really be that understanding? I kicked someone in freshman or sophomore year for cutting me. That felt really good, but heh, of course none of the school staff would condone it. These effing idiots are like trees! I feel like an ant compared to them, and all they do is shrug my remarks off and say “Yes ma’am, we won’t cut next time.” Cut the crap and stop giving me bullshit. These people are the reason why I hate waking up in the morning and going to school. They don’t belong here. They can’t effing mock me because I’m short or because I’m “different.” Regardless of whether or not they intend it to be a personal attack, it has become one. Needless to say, I am very discriminatory towards people like them now. In a way, I feel disgusted at myself, but it’s always people with the same stereotypes that pick on me, and every time some minor incident like this occurs, my grudge and hatred towards them grows.

I tried just getting in front of the idiots who cut me in line, only to have them say that I cut them. WTF. WTF. WTF. WTF. Okay, I admit that I might’ve cut in front of people that were originally in line. Heck, they were the idiot friends who let them in, and I couldn’t even tell which of them cut any more. They were all snickering and speaking behind my back. Wretched people that make fun of others in languages they can’t understand. Fine, I moved behind the people that I thought were originally in line. Even if they let their friends cut, I don’t have the right to cut in front of them. Lo and behold, another one of their groupies cuts YET AGAIN.

Okay, now I’m pissed. They’re still accusing me of cutting. I’m telling them to get to the back of the line, and I just feel so puny.

I dashed out of the line with a sudden impulse to find a teacher. Maybe that was unreasonable. After walking into the building I realized there wouldn’t be any adults around that would bother to do anything there. Then I come across my friend, and I just burst out crying. I think he understands me pretty well. I keep all this anger and hatred locked outside, and occasionally, I just break down. I was selfish and I wanted somebody to defend me. I felt sick to my stomach.

In the end, my friend was lectured for shouting vulgarities at those idiots. In some way, I’m amused. I’m sorry that he got lectured, but I felt happy that someone did come to my defense. ._.

Those kids were losers. They dared to call me a lier, saying that I had cut in front of them. What a bunch of bull. I was tired. I decided to skip lunch. I guess I’m greatful for having some wonderful teachers who are willing to defend me, to take my word over those idiots’ comments.

I felt embarrassed. I was crying over something so trivial, but I had to let it out. My government teacher saw me crying. Deary. He bought me lunch. @_@ I feel so terrible. I cried for the rest of the lunch, but I was also glad to realize there were so many people that were by my side. In those times, even minor friendships really shine.

You might’ve read my previous post about the same stereotypical people that snickered at me and made fun of me when I walked into a math teacher’s class one day. That was disgusting. What right do they have to say I didn’t belong there? To say that I was weird? Just because they’re one of the majority doesn’t mean they’re the only people in existence. I’m not a toy. I’m not some complete pushover.

Again, the same kinds of people were the ones that talked and ignored my entire presentation sophomore year. They were the same people that turned in crap for group projects or nothing at all. The same people who laughed and made fun of me while I was presenting.

The same kinds of people were the ones that purposely tried to disrupt the class while I was finishing my tests in sophomore year.

They were also the same as that stupid girl in my freshman PE class that had the nerve to make fun of me and slam the locker door on my arm.

Heck, I remember people stealing my text books, throwing them into a shed, stealing and erasing my name off of my homework, taking my wallet and money and throwing my wallet into a trash can… the list can go on. Isn’t it sad that I came from a Catholic junior high school? Maybe that’s why I think so little of religion. People who aren’t religious can be just as Commandment-abiding or more than people who are religious. Extravagance isn’t the key issue. And that heated debate I was talking about last time? We’re all hypocrites. The Church professed one thing and turned around to persecute people who believed in another, which was absolutely ironic. Why spend all that money on ornamentation when more of it can go to the poor? Seriously, people are corrupt (Yes, I am one of those people).

Every year, it’s the same damn thing. I’m so sick and tired of it.

In due time, I’ll get my way.

I was really proud of the people that came to our science club meeting. We were productive today, and I thought we accomplished a lot. The same cannot be said for the people that consecutively miss meetings. If they don’t care enough to come, then I shouldn’t acknowledge them in the least bit.

Half of the school doesn’t care. They’re ignorant. They’re bullies. And they’re people I detest.